‘I eat edamame’ and other hard swallows, I’m getting old
So this week, Bag Lady bought “A Holly Dolly Christmas” by Dolly Parton or “Girls, Girls, Girls” by Motley Crue on iTunes.
For the sake of anonymity, I’ll let you decide.
Waiting almost 20 years to make my first iTunes purchase, coupled with being immediately confused because I didn’t know how to listen to this music, confirmed that Bag Lady is a Crypt Keeper alumnus.
Scary because it was not the only confirmation of the week. Also, my stove broke and Bag Dog ate my brand new oven mitt. The hits keep coming.
APPENDIX A: INSTANT COFFEE
We are not talking about chic, K-cup pods of Coney Island Caramel or Blueberry Cobbler. We’re talking about two teaspoons of Folgers Classic Roast (Dollar General, 22.6 oz, $ 7), or frankly any store brand, add water and stir. I suddenly drank it all during the pandemic. Like, luckily. It’s strange. Then I organize my pants and buy orthotics.
APPENDIX B: SEARCH ARCH MEDIA REVIEWS ON GOOGLE
What? I needed some new sneakers and they needed to provide a nice, firm midsole with just enough support for. . .
APPENDIX C: I EAT EDAMAME
Mr. Bag Lady sent me an article on getting more folate in our diet, so I bought Sea Point Farms Dry Roasted Sea Salt Edamame (Hannaford, 4 oz, $ 2.19 ). They’re honestly pretty good, crispy, just salty enough, with no sour aftertaste, but let’s not let that distract from the wider point that my husband sent me an article on getting more folate in our diet.
Lady bag is. So. Old.
TOWARDS HAPPIER THINGS, LIKE MY BROKEN STOVE
The lower baking element came out of nowhere and the joy of joys we bought a new one, which Bag Lady didn’t even know was possible. Less than $ 25 later and we were back in cookies!
Intervene to temper the joy: Bag Dog – or, more specifically, Bad Dog – who destroyed an all-new Food Network striped silicone oven mitt (Kohl’s, $ 9.79) that was used for less than 24 hours, chewing on its thumb.
But such is life, right? One day you multiply the decades and the next day you lose a number.
I’m pretty sure Motley Crue wrote a song about it once. Maybe it was Dolly.
Bag Lady’s true identity is protected by a sleek, sweater-clad Doberman pinscher (who was quite unrepentant) and the Sun Journal’s customer service counter. You can reach her at [email protected]
Let’s get unruly and take advantage of this week’s deals on home office and school supplies.